It’s a shame. Every time we girls lose weight and trim down that waist and get a nice flat front working for us, we still always keep a little junk in our trunk. And we can’t find anybody to take us home. And when we do, it’s at half the asking price.

Jeffery — if that is your real name, which I know it’s not because nobody spells it like that because it’s really supposed to be Jeffrey — allow me to educate you. Just because we’ve got a little “big back” doesn’t give you the right to think we’re worth less than what we think we are, mmkay? We “big back” types have a lot to offer and if you can’t see that, well then you can just sit at home and read a book because you know what? You probably haven’t cracked one open in quite a while.

Also, Jessica? You are lying because that’s not a flat screen. The reflection? CURVED. And I’m pretty sure you’re double lying because it looks just like the prop TV from the model home in Arrested Development, which was used to store juice boxes or something.

Yeah, I got your numbers, both of you. Humph. So … I guess you deserve each other. Which means … I don’t really have much to criticize here … so … I’ll be going now. Carry on!